If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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