i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Too much gin, very little bucket
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
