Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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