I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
