I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
