so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
