I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
