The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
