my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize