I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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