hell yes lets make some ravioli
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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