I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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