i wish peter jackson would direct porn
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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