Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
