Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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