Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
