He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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