Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize