On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
