I have demons in me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
