I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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