Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
