So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
