Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
