I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
