Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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