My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
