A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
