I bet he comes in French.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
