just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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