Nicole vs. Life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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