I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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