living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
