Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
