I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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