Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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