i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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