i don't like sucking hair
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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