I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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