I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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