you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
