And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
