so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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