i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
