Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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