i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
