i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
