Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
