I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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