If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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