I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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