don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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