I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
