I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
