You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
