Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
