They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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