Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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