I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
