they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
