Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
be right there i have to get my cape
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
