Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
