So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
