Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
