is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
