Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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