You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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